


Kokichi Gets Kicked Out of McDonald's

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, HPA AU, Ouma not Oma, Ultimate Talent Development Plan (Dangan Ronpa), barely edited, based off that one tiktok where the guy orders a slice of cheese at mcdonalds, i use japanese honorifics because im a weeb, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24564157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kaede enlists Kokichi, Kiibo, Rantaro and Shuichi to get everyone in the class McDonalds.Hijinks ensue.
Relationships: K1-B0 & Oma Kokichi & Saihara Shuichi & Amami Rantaro, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Kokichi Gets Kicked Out of McDonald's

**Author's Note:**

> in advance i'm sorry jesus for disgracing you

“Okay guys, all we have to do-” Kiibo looked at the piece of paper he was given a few minutes ago while he was speaking. “-is to go to McDonald’s and order everything on this list for the class.”  
He held out the paper, waving it around, as if everyone in the car could see it from where he sat in the back seat.  
“I want to see the list!” Kokichi grabbed the robot’s forearm and snatched the paper out of his hand, ignoring his exclamations.  
He held the list away from Kiibo, attempting to read it while batting him away with his free hand. “What loser ordered a smoothie?”  
“Ouma-kun, give that back!”  
“Rantaro-chan, he hit me!” Kokichi wailed, despite not being touched at all.

Shuichi turned around in the passenger’s seat, blinking at the two.  
He watched (not very surprised, honestly) as Kiibo grabbed onto the paper and pulled it backwards, just as Kokichi yanked it in the other direction.

The paper proceeded to tear in half with a loud ripping sound.

Silence fell over the car, only the radio gently humming a catchy pop song.  
The two stared at each other for a long, tense few seconds, each holding their individual sides of the paper.  
Rantaro risked a glance to the side, as he was driving through a busy intersection. “What did you do?”  
Kokichi glared at Kiibo with a challenge in his eyes, and the ultimate robot glared back.  
At the same time, they chimed in, “He did it!”  
“Ouma-kun, stop lying!”  
“Hey! I’m not the liar, I hate liars! So much in fact, that I’d-”

Shuichi decided to tune them out at that time and sat back in his seat properly, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly.  
“What did they do?” Rantaro asked again, reaching over to turn up the volume to the pop song to drown out the argument. Oh, it was one of their upperclassmen’s songs. Sayaka Maizono and her pop idol band, was it?  
“They ripped the list.”  
Shuichi swore he saw one of his face muscles twitch but he quickly smothered it with a nervous laugh and carefree smile.  
“Ah.. was probably bound to happen anyways. Maybe having Akamatsu-san trust them with the list was a bad idea.”  
Shuichi hummed agreement, while glancing at the rearview mirror. Apparently Kokichi and Kiibo had stopped arguing and just sat on opposite sides of the back seat, glaring at each other. The pieces of paper were nowhere in sight, but there were some scraps of paper on the floor.

Shuichi decided to assume that the papers got ripped up in their scuffle.  
He tilted the rearview mirror into its original position and leaned back into the seat just as Rantaro turned into the parking lot.  
“Okay, well, I can just text Akamatsu-san for a new list.” Shuichi offered as Rantaro pulled the vehicle into park mode once he had found a parking space and lined up with it. “It might take a while, though.”

While Shuichi was typing out a lengthy apologetic text to Kaede, Kokichi unbuckled his seatbelt and got to his feet, peeking around the driver’s seat. “Can I get a McFlurry?”  
Rantaro squinted suspiciously at him. Kokichi’s eyes were wide and innocent and he stared, unfaltering, at Rantaro.  
They stared at each other for a while before Rantaro caved in, sighing. He broke eye contact and dug in his wallet, before pulling out his credit card.  
Kokichi dramatically gasped. “Thank you Rantaro-oniichan!” he chirped in a singsong tone, snatching away the card before he could change his mind. He ducked back behind the seat, grabbed Kiibo’s wrist (who yelped in protest) and left the car.

* * *

“I feel like you have an ulterior motive with this.” Kiibo commented, watching Kokichi tap at the touchscreen register.  
“Me? Having ulterior motives? Impossible. It seems like you don’t trust me!” The ultimate turned his head to pout at the robot, tapping his finger onto the main menus section.  
Kiibo didn’t decide to dignify that with a response and watched him doubtfully, crossing his arms.  
He stuck his tongue out before turning back towards the screen, pondering before tapping on a random burger.  
“I thought you were getting a McFlurry-”  
“Wait- shut up.”  
Kiibo did as he was told, albeit a bit standoffish. He watched the ultimate supreme leader remove all the toppings, his devious grin growing wider.  
“Are you ordering a slice of cheese?” Kiibo looked on in slight disgust, and Kokichi wheezed. He didn’t respond, to Kiibo’s annoyance, and pressed the finish order button. “Why is a slice of low quality cheese three hundred yen..?”  
Kokichi dramatically shushed Kiibo before placing the order. The machine printed out a receipt and Kokichi took it, before dragging Kiibo off to the side.

“We have order 736, don’t forget it.” Kokichi ordered, placing his hands on his hips while Kiibo rolled his eyes and scoffed.

After a few minutes, Kokichi’s phone vibrated and he fished it out of his pocket. It was a text message from Shuichi.

**shumai** : why are you taking so long  
 **kimchi** : 🙂

He proceeded to turn off his phone and put it on silent.  
An employee walked up to them after a few minutes of standing near the side of the room. “Hello, are you order 736?”  
Kokichi glanced at Kiibo, who was nervously sweating before nodding his head. “Yep!”  
The employee smiled. “Alright, I’ll have to ask you to leave. This is your last visit, we don’t want to see you again.”  
Kokichi had to stop from bursting into laughter when they got escorted out by the employee, and Kiibo looked like he just got framed for murder and was being put on death row.

When they were left alone at the entrance of the McDonald’s Kokichi started belly laughing, clutching his stomach. Kiibo had to drag him back to the car before they got kicked off of the property itself.

* * *

They got back to the car in one piece, thankfully. Rantaro and Shuichi were waiting for them, and when they appeared, Kiibo dragging Kokichi by the sleeve of his uniform, they predictably asked questions.  
“Why did you get escorted out?” Shuichi looked at them, Kokichi still losing his shit.  
“Ouma-kun decided to order a slice of cheese and we got kicked out.” Kiibo still looked mortified as he answered.  
The detective snorted slightly at the answer. Rantaro gave him a look and he covered his mouth with his hand.  
“This is why I don’t trust you with my credit card. Where is my credit card?”  
Kokichi stopped laughing as soon as he said that, eyes growing wide with fear.  
“Kokichi-kun, where is my credit card?”  
He immediately attempted to run, but the child lock was on.  
Shuichi could only grin at Kokichi, who stared at him with pure fear in his eyes.  
“I may have lost it.”


End file.
